06.09.08
Dal Segno al Fine
Especially for Claire. Because her words caused me to effuse one of the most personal entries I’ve ever written.
“…hope to hear more
beautiful music from you. Even if you didn’t realize your dreams, you’re still
passionate. I’m in the verge of giving up, but after seeing you play, I’m
thinking of applying again for master’s abroad (Europe). Thanks for the music.”
I read this unexpected message today and before I knew it,
it had plucked an emotional string or two.
The person who sent me this message met me in my teens. What
an ambitious person I was at that time! I
knew what I wanted and I was quite sure of what I was capable of achieving if I
did my best. No, I did not exactly harbor
visions of fame and fortune. I only wished to learn more about music and master
my art, but in order to do that, it was necessary for me to be away from home. Therefore, my parents bridled my raging dreams,
bypassing opportunities in Germany or even the more proximate-but-not-really UP. Some friends and bystanders even deemed their gesture to be selfish or
mean. At one time, I refused to
understand them as well, though deep inside,
I immensely comprehended their
decisions.
In the end, I remained home.
Had I not remained, I may have been seen more often in the
music scene, probably giving concerts, collaborating with great musicians, and
going places, just like my peers. But I would have still been lacking… and
that’s what my parents and I knew all along despite hating to admit it at that moment. I was born into a Bible-reading family,
alright. But that alone does not ever
qualify, baptize, or secure anyone into the Christian faith, and I acknowledge
that if I went away from home with my dithyrambic teenage hormones only to be
surrounded and influenced by heaven knows who, there’s an entire possibility
that I would have strayed from my faith or neglected it.
Through the years, I learned to be content. Whenever I speak of “contentment,” it is not
merely an easy word, but something a dreamer took a long way to obtain. Little by little, God opened my eyes to many things
worthy to be added to my “Had I Not Remained” list, and these are just a few; had
I not remained,
I would not have discovered my love for writing, painting,
teaching, and cooking. I would have escaped a thousand glorious sunsets, and Misha
would have been left without a teacher and I would have missed witnessing the
miracle that he is. Had I not remained, I
would not have come face to face with the people blessedly bestowed to help me improve as a
person – and that is indeed much preferable than meeting people to help you become
a better musician. Truth be told, I am
still not the best person that I can be, but because of these people,
I continually
strive.
Now that I have what I have because I remained… if it be
God’s will that He give me the chance to be refined music-wise, I honestly
think that this “could have been” could “still be”…
…and this, my friends, is the reason why I am still able to play music passionately. =)
