07.21.07
Rachmaninov All By Myself
To play Rachmaninov - alone…
Con Passione
To be affected with the opening chord that cause regal passions to augment within myself. To be conducted by a sonorous tempest that moves me from one phrase to another. To compromisingly dwell inside the pauses a heartbeat longer than one should. To sense triumph only to discover that I am still at the beginning of a journey.
Adagio Sostenuto
To love. To have my sighs merged with the aching melody. To coalesce my sadness and grief in the theme. To be bathed in a well of moaning broken minor triads. To incorporate all espressivos and pent up injured feelings into a prolonged eruption. To have drops of pain on the keys left by an arpeggio
of tears.
Allegro Scherzando
To ascend a fabled glizzando and descend with regained strength to conquer challenges ahead. To be rewarded an ethereally beautiful but brief dolce.
Agitato
To punish the black and white keys for having done nothing but wait for caresses and beatings, but to be comforted that they still respond to whatever touch I have to offer.
Maestoso
To have all my strength absorbed into a bolus of pleasure and pain. To come out bleeding but victorious.
Risoluto
To revel in the bursting catharsis.
Finale
To seal the last chords with the composer’s monumental syllabic signature in my own calligraphy. To rise up from the piano and shake the hand of the conductor and the concertmaster and acknowledge the audience only to find no one. To look around and be reminded… that once again I was playing Rachmaninov all by myself.
Mai Mai said,
July 22, 2007 at 12:42 am
Bravo! =) but not entirely alone, though… you’re simultaneously with others who feel the same but are simply too terrified to listen what’s happening inside. music is definitely not for the faint-hearted.
miRacLe said,
July 22, 2007 at 12:56 am
Here’s a great mind who can relate to the pangs and solace of music. Thank you, Mar… PPP should accompany me next time to reassure me am not alone. =P