06.18.07
Philosophical Kisses
Now… most of us know what a “Platonic” kiss is. But have you heard of an Aristotelian, Hegelian, Wittgensteinian, or Godelian kiss?
Aristotelian kiss:
Kiss performed using techniques gained solely from theoretical speculation untainted by any
experiential data by one who feels that the latter is irrelevant anyway.
Hegelian kiss:
Dialiptical technique in which the kiss incorporates its own antithikiss, forming a
synthekiss.
Wittgensteinian kiss:
The important thing about this type of kiss is that it refers only to the symbol (our internal
mental representation we associate with the experience of the kiss–which must necessarilly
also be differentiated from the act itself for obvious reasons and which need not be by any means the same or even similar for the different people experiencing the act) rather than the act itself and, as such, one must be careful not to make unwarranted generalizations about the act itself or the experience thereof based merely on our manipulation of the symbology therefore.
Godelian kiss:
A kiss that takes an extraordinarilly long time, yet leaves you unable to decide whether you’ve
been kissed or not.
(This is by no means an exhaustive list–here are
some more of the classic kisses.)
Socratic kiss:
Really a Platonic kiss, but it’s claimed to be the Socratic technique so it’ll sound more
authoritative; however, compared to most strictly Platonic kisses, Socratic kisses wander around a lot more and cover more ground.
Kantian kiss:
A kiss that, eschewing inferior “phenomenal” contact, is performed entirely on the superior
“noumenal” plane; though you don’t actually feel it at all, you are, nonetheless, free to declare
it the best kiss you’ve ever given or received.
Kafkaesque kiss:
A kiss that starts out feeling like it’s about to transform you but ends up just bugging you. (This one’s good.heeü)
Sartrean kiss:
A kiss that you worry yourself to death about even though it really doesn’t matter anyway.
Hertzsprung-Russellian kiss
Oh, Be A Fine Girl/Guy, Kiss Me.
Pythagorean kiss:
A kiss given by someone who has developed some new and wonderful techniques but refuses to use them on anyone for fear that others would find out about them and copy them.
Cartesian kiss:
A particularly well-planned and coordinated movement: “I think, therefore, I aim.” In general,
a kiss does not count as Cartesian unless it is applied with enough force to remove all doubt that one has been kissed. (cf. Polar kiss, a more well-rounded movement involving greater
nose-to-nose contact, but colder overall.)
Nietzscheian kiss:
“she/he who does not kiss you, makes your lust stronger.”
Epimenidian kiss:
A kiss given by someone who does not kiss.
Grouchoic kiss:
A kiss given by someone who will only kiss those who would not kiss him or her.
Harpoic kiss:
Shut up and kiss me.
Zenoian kiss:
Your lips approach, closer and closer, but never actually touch.
Don’t ask me about the Procrustean and
Russell-Whiteheadian kiss…
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Franzopoy said,
June 20, 2007 at 8:01 am
okay. id still prefer the filthy water-sharing adulterous scandalous frech kiss. “she/he who does not kiss you, makes your lust stronger.” charming.
miRacLe said,
June 20, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Argh… you intentionally say those kinds of things for the sole purpose of making me feel all twitchy and uncomfy… and laugh at me when I do. =P
I want this blog to be wholesome. Now, behave yourself. French-kissing is alright - but it doesn’t have to be adulterous and scandalous. Those are very grave words, my dear.
(I have to agree that it’s filthy, though).
=P